The slow wait to live my life.

The single most harmful lie I believed as a child was that I could have fun after I finish my homework.

Bullshit.

The problem with that statement is simple to understand if you consider the converse -
You are not permitted to have fun until work is done.

And boy, your work will never be done. If you are knowledgeable enough to notice, there will always be more work that can be put into anything to improve it to some odd degree. But of course, if you are wise, you'll understand the law of diminishing returns.

Nay, you may actually still fail - if, like me, you fail to understand the investment you are making. You are investing your time of course, that you could've instead used to have fun.
Of course, it never occurs to you, because defacto, you aren't planning to have fun until the work is done. Your time is, thereby, of no value to you, and hence, law of diminishing returns does not apply. You can keep working, and wait, and wait, and wait, on the day that work is done, and you'll have fun.

Growing up, I waited first to get into a good undergrad course to feel like I deserved to have the fun.
I did get into it, but there was more to do, research, preparation for post-grad, what not.

The wait was perhaps one of the things that pushed me into one of the deeper depression episodes of my life.

The wait to live a good life, even as I watch the years pass by, working as an undead mule.

And then I waited for the depression to pass - and told myself - once it passes, I'll live my life then.

Age has brought me wisdom, perhaps. Or atleast the realization that years have passed. And they'll continue to pass.
I am already living my life, only that I'm spending most of it waiting.

Pictured above, are my anti-depressants - that I have run out of - and my new classy wine-opener - the good life stuff. Pictured together, because one needn't be in exclusion to the other. In fact, the wine opener serves a greater purpose still, to a grievously depressed man.

Maybe it is time to make a bucket list of the few things that I haven't done and get to it.

Did you know, I've never had sex with a professional? Let's add that to the list and we'll get to it someday.